Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
