i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
