I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
either way he was missing a nipple.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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