There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
