Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
