So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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