i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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