Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
