shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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