Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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