My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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