My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
