Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
