they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I need water and some morals
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
