he shaved USA in his pubs
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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