Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
