so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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