I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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