on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
