just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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