I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
