Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
