If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
