kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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