I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
