I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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