I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
