Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
