her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there was a trapeze. enough said
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
