i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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