I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
