He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
