Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
