Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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