Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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