mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
