Michael Bay diarrhea
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
