Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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