I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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