bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
