he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I just put wine in my tea
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
