So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
