My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
