yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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