He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Come on in and take your pants off
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