both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
