U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
