I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
