I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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