I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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