Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
