Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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