I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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