They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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