apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You pole danced in your parka.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
