i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
