worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
