you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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