I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
