I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Operation Purity has been aborted
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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